Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We are all done wearing pants today
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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