I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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