meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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