The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
