he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
