How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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