i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
