listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My pussy is not your playground.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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