The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We left the knife in your bed.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
