I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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