She announced her abortion via fbk
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
