Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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