I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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