How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize