The maid of honor just puked.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
