I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
