It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
