we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
