I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize