At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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