i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
