I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
