I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
