your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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