Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
