While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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