I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
