My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
