are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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