Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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