You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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