hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
wanna go halves on a baby?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
is it fun? or sober?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
