Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm too high and old for this...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
