"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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