I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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