well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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