I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize