i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think your dad took our porno
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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