JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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