Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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