i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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