You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
