So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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