Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
