Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
