At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
