dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
