There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I want a musical about memes.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
