i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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