direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
