respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
