I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
