I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
