Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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