This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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