He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
third nipple confirmed
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
