no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize