if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
