Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
